What Your Favorite Tech Company Says About You
From A to Z!
You have absolutely no self-control.
You’re thirsty and a feminist.
You’re the only one of your friends with a 401(k).
You enjoy bragging about your next trip to Paris…Missouri.
You specialize in “ballin’ on a budget.”
You’re only full of bullshit 50% of the time.
You love proving your friends wrong.
You’ve rewatched Succession 10 times…on someone else’s account.
You waste wayyy too much time on the toilet.
You’re always ready to put some schmear on that schmekel.
You’re really good at tricking your friends into giving you money.
You’re lazy AND woke.
You can turn anything into a think piece.
You’re deathly afraid of commitment.
You’re thirsty, but you’re willing to wait for the one.
Your life’s motto is, “I’ll get around to it later.”
You’re a know-it-all.
You’re the one who lives in the #random Slack channel at work.
You regret most of the stuff you do.
You’re just plain thirsty.
You’re more lazy than you are woke.
You never carry cash. Ever.
You’re boring yet dependable.
You spend too much time alone in your mom’s basement working on God-knows-what.
You have a B.S. in procrastinating.
You email your partner a link to your dream home every hour on the hour.