What Your Favorite Tech Company Says About You

Mar 8

Amazon
You have absolutely no self-control.

Bumble
You’re thirsty and a feminist.

Credit Karma
You’re the only one of your friends with a 401(k).

Duolingo
You enjoy bragging about your next trip to Paris…Missouri.

eBay
You specialize in “ballin’ on a budget.”

Facebook
You’re only full of bullshit 50% of the time.

Google
You love proving your friends wrong.

HBO
You’ve rewatched Succession 10 times…on someone else’s account.

Instagram
You waste wayyy too much time on the toilet.

Jdate
You’re always ready to put some schmear on that schmekel.

Kickstarter
You’re really good at tricking your friends into giving you money.

Lyft
You’re lazy AND woke.

Medium
You can turn anything into a think piece.

Netflix
You’re deathly afraid of commitment.

OkCupid
You’re thirsty, but you’re willing to wait for the one.

Pocket
Your life’s motto is, “I’ll get around to it later.”

Quora
You’re a know-it-all.

Reddit
You’re the one who lives in the #random Slack channel at work.

Snapchat
You regret most of the stuff you do.

Tinder
You’re just plain thirsty.

Uber
You’re more lazy than you are woke.

Venmo
You never carry cash. Ever.

Wordpress
You’re boring yet dependable.

X
You spend too much time alone in your mom’s basement working on God-knows-what.

YouTube
You have a B.S. in procrastinating.

Zillow
You email your partner a link to your dream home every hour on the hour.